No Way Up

CNN headline: “Mike Pence sits alone in a corner of sadness.”

I defy anyone to read that headline and not click on the article. Nice work whoever came up with that.

It was a short article simply reporting on polls that show that, while Republicans are well acquainted with ol’ Mike, they really don’t like him. The moment Mike merely nodded toward reality and truth, he lost any chance of ever being the Republican nominee.

It’s the interview segment of the competition that all these up-and-comers will dread. Whether it’s Mr. Florida or Mr. Texas or Ms. South Carolina or Ms. North Dakota, eventually they’re going to have to step out of their swim suits and answer questions about how closely they hew to reality and truth.

At that point it’s a Catch-22. Embrace reality; can’t win a Republican primary. Embrace the Big Lie; can’t win in November.

But, and here is where the problem grows exponentially for sour pusses like DeSantis and Pence and Abbott, you can’t just lie, you have to enjoy it. And there just aren’t that many soulless humans around on the planet. If you have a conscience, if you feel the slightest twinge when you lie, you can’t replace the king.

As I’ve noted many times before. And here I quote myself. Here’s the problem for Trump wannabes. The boss loves this shit.

It’s the key to Trump’s joie de vivre. He revels in bullshit, lies, insult, revenge, in what most humans would consider evil. This is what Trumpers love about him. It helps quash your own conscience when the boss not only has none, but loves the dark side. Trump’s will-to-power hasn’t turned him into a grim Darth Vader. He loves the hustle. Win or lose. I doubt Beelzebub himself finds as much joy in his work.

This quality is what no other Trumper can reproduce. Recall Mike Pence loyally telling lie after lie in his debate with Kamala Harris, but all through grimly gritted teeth as if he was passing a kidney stone. “I’m doing this for you Jesus. Please count me worthy of my suffering.”

Or Josh Hawley with tightly clenched fist. And sphincter. Or Ted Cruz oozing insincerity like a lanced boil. Can you recall seeing Ron DeSantis smile? I can’t. Sure he’s doing a lot of evil shit down in Florida, but where’s the joy? Greg Abbott in Texas? He’s just sad. Can Nikki pull it off? Perhaps. She at least smiles. But can she smile through the lies? Knowing her audience knows she knows she’s lying. That’s a special talent.

Trump is as pure a narcissistic machine as we’ve ever seen. His bubble of fantasy is puncture proof. I don’t think he even knows he’s lying. Any morality he had left long ago slunk away to join Mike in his corner of sadness.

Until some of these other folks come up with a way to lobotomize their conscience, to stifle any last shred of decency, to find genuine joy in hurting other humans, I don’t see anyone challenging the man at the top.

Going to get awful crowded in Mike’s corner …