Running on Empty
So Florida Republican senator Rick Scott did precisely what Mitch and Republicans everywhere were hoping nobody would do. He released a Republican policy platform. You know. The plans you have for governing.
You might remember that Republicans are not all that great at governing. Planning. The ideas are always two weeks away. The party didn’t even have a platform in 2020.
It’s much easier to run on cultural grievance. And, indeed, various grievances to keep the base in a constant churn of resentment and outrage make up much of Scott’s platform. It’s amazing how much energy conservatives expend trying to ruin the lives of struggling people.
Scott’s plan does have one interesting element. It calls for increasing taxes on 100 million Americans. No “Read my lips” here. No, this is Romney’s 47% who have “no skin in the game.” You know, all those elderly folk and poor folk, who pay sales tax, state income tax, Social Security tax, but are too poor to qualify to pay income tax.
So Scott’s idea is to cut taxes on the wealthy while raising taxes on the poor. Scrooge whips around. “What the hell? Why are these ghosts picking on me?!” And every Who down in Whoville says, “Damn, I miss the Grinch.”
At any rate, as interesting as the plan is, it’s even more fascinating to see what is nowhere mentioned.
Answer me this. What animus animated conservatives most for the past dozen years? Even more than hatin’ on gays and black folk? What one word churned them into a white hot fury? Obamacare.
Remember? Remember the countless Republicans running on abolishing that black fellow’s signature initiative? The 50 or so votes in the House to repeal the dastardly ruinous socialist demon-inspired bill? Votes that accomplished nothing but make Republicans feel good?
I remember thinking, did no one ever warn Congressional Republicans that they could go blind by continually and unproductively stroking their members just for their own pleasure?
After years of such blather, not a single word given to abolishing Obamacare in Scott’s platform. Not to mention, no unveiling of any health care plans at all. Where Trump’s magnificent plan got to, nobody appears to know or care.
A baby born when Obama signed his signature program into law is now in seventh grade. And yet, somehow, we still exist as a species.
Does anyone remember the death panels Republicans promised us? The communist takeovers? The moaning over loss of freedom? Oh the bondage … the slavery.
Does anybody remember the end of the world prophecies by the evangelicals? The loss of religious freedom? The orgiastic pleasure-taking through easily available contraceptives? The unveiling of the Antichrist?
I remember getting up very gingerly for a week after the signing, beginning every day by peeking out my front door to see if all was right with the world. When I saw the first car pass, driver yawning, headed to work, I thought, o.k. it’s safe to go out.
I remember sitting on my deck undertaking a freedom inventory. Couldn’t think of a single freedom I’d lost. Oh sweet relief.
I’d drive past a church and feel the calm that descends from noting it was still open. No jack-booted Democrats padlocking the doors.
I remember being astonished during the first weeks and months after passage that not one single person, not one person, even raised the topic of Obamacare with me in conversation. Here we were, in the grip of the “worst thing to ever happen to America,” and not once did this calamity even rise to the level in someone’s consciousness where they thought it worthy of conversation.
And here we are, twelve years later next month, and the hated Obamacare merits not even a mention in Scott’s Republican platform. We are all Democrats now it appears, at least on the topic of health care.
If I didn’t know better, I’d be tempted to ponder the seriousness of conservative rhetoric. But I know they’re too thoughtful to casually give themselves over to rhetorical excess, so I’m thinking I must have missed something.
I’ll keep looking. Perhaps the Antichrist is even now twelve years old and slouching toward Jerusalem …
Convoys of Dunces
So, Putin, how’s your war going?
CNN has video of a street full of charred Russian trucks and troop carriers. Ukrainian civilians, women as well as men, are lining up to get rifles and form ten-person teams to defend their communities. The NYTimes interviewed several, including a history professor and a male stripper. All determined to die, if need be, to defend Ukraine. Folks living in apartment blocks are supporting the teams by manufacturing Molotov cocktails.
You’ve managed to turn Ukraine into the world’s “cause célèbre”
You’ve handily begun the project of cratering your country’s economy and turning your people against you.
Lalya Sadykova, owner of a chain of beauty salons in St. Petersburg, in the NYTimes: “Those who shout that Putin is great and bravo to him are no longer shouting as loud. They’re in shock from what is happening, from how quickly prices are changing and how suppliers are stopping deliveries.”
Dmitri Alekseyev, chief executive of one of Russia’s biggest electronics retailers, after raising prices 30 percent: “For the life of me I can’t understand why Russia needs a war.”
Meanwhile the fence around the Ukrainian embassy in Moscow is covered in flowers.
NYTimes: “Many Russians could not yet imagine coming to terms with living in a country that had launched an unprovoked assault on its neighbor. ‘I fear meeting Ukrainians and looking them in the eye,’ said a designer, Aleksei, 28, declining to give his last name for fear of repercussions from the security services. ‘That is the scariest thing of all.’”
Oh, and just fyi, Ukrainian president Zelensky, who just one week ago was being written about as “in over his head,” is now patrolling the streets of Kiev, refusing to leave, encouraging his people, and rapidly becoming a folk hero for the history books.
From The Bulwark: “Zelensky’s conduct over the last few weeks—which has been utterly extraordinary—has substantially buttressed Ukraine’s resolve. He has become more than a man. More than a leader. He has become a symbol.
What we are witnessing is the emergence of a figure who will become a key part of Ukrainian history for the next century. There will be statues of him all over the country. Ukrainians will name their children after him. This is like watching another country’s Washington or Churchill emerge in real time.
Watching Zelensky’s conduct over the last few weeks makes Donald Trump’s attempt to use the power of the United States government to blackmail him even more obscene. Trump is not fit to shine Zelensky’s boots. That Trump’s actions were taken not as a private citizen, but as the American head of state should make all of us deeply ashamed.”
Speaking of Trump, let’s check in with Putin’s hand puppet at CPAC, the Cringe-worthy Political Action [in two weeks] Committee.
The Stable Genius, teasing a run in 2024, boasted, “We did it twice, and we’ll do it again. We’re going to be doing it again a third time.”
Apparently looking forward to becoming the first presidential candidate in history to lose the popular vote three times. Must be what he was referring to.
The great man told reporters that the war in Ukraine could “spread throughout the world. Something has to be done.”
Asked what specifically should be done, Trump said there were things to be done “that would end it very quickly,” but he wasn’t going to talk about them to the press. Perhaps in two weeks he’ll enlighten us.
Meanwhile in America, citizens are also rising up to fight for their freedom. It’s enough to bring a tear to the eye, to unite a country against despotism, to inspire ballads for centuries to come.
Yes sir, we got us a convoy.
Folks are being forced to wear masks. Or, well, they were, you know, last month, and now the CDC is relaxing those requirements, but, hey, we’re convoyin’ for last month’s oppression. Cuz, anything Canada can do, we can do better.
Jim Garlow, MAGA pastor: “In 2022, God looked down on all of North America and could not find enough bold pastors to stand up, so He said, ‘I am going to find a group of truckers in Canada who care about freedom and liberty, who hate tyranny and despotic rule, socialism and medical coercion, and I am going to bring them to Ottawa, Ontario to do what I need done.’ So God raised up the truckers who congregated in Canada’s capital city to a position of national and international influence for righteousness.”
Let’s set aside for the moment how easily Satan dispersed God’s forces, jailed his leaders, towed away his trucks. It’s a scene we’ve seen over and over. God raises up Trump, Satan dispatches him. These are questions better not asked.
Let’s focus on how God is now raisin’ him a convoy here in freedom-lovin’ America. Down with tyranny. We’re gonna park some trucks on your streets, and, you know, make things harder for your small businesses and blue collar workers, generally irritate the hell out of everybody, because, well, freedom.
I can already hear the hit single playing in my head. With apologies to C. W. McCall.
Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of March
In a Kenworth blazin’ lights
Cab-over Pete with no mask on
Drivin’ for his rights
We is headin’ for D.C. on 84
‘Bout a mile out of Chi-town
I says, “MAGA boys, this here’s the Rubber Duck
And I’m about to pull my white hood down”
‘Cause we got us a convoy
Rockin’ through the night
Yeah, we got a little ‘ol convoy
Fightin’ for our rights
By the time we rolled into D.C.
We had fifteen trucks in all
And a handful of other MAGA folks
Them pickups was wall-to-wall
But, damn, them smokies have blocked all the ramps
They got fence all round the town
I says, “Callin’ all trucks, this here’s the Duck
We about to look like clowns”
‘Cause we got an itty-bitty convoy
Slinkin’ home through the night
Yeah, not even a Canadian-size convoy
What an embarrasin’ sight…